Lord Love Ya

happy birthday to finn

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 20:18:00 +0000

Happy Birthday to our man!

At this age you:

are even sweeter than you look.
are really into your mommy and planning to stay this way.
are very verbal (momma, dadda, nonna, go, no, and most importantly "gush").
lay your head on our shoulder before bedtime and pat our back slowly.
don't even PLAY about your food intake, in addition to your distaste in people, or the dog, eating around you with no intention of sharing.
are a biter.
crawl back and forth in the tub the entire bath time.
love to look out the window.
scream in torture over diaper changes.
have close to no entries in your baby book.
also go by "tote totes man", "pork chop", "biscuit", "buddy", etc.
love to make us laugh.
have infamous hair.

throw yourself to the floor (usually backwards) if ticked off.
and

were, by miles and miles, the best thing that happened to us in 2008.
This family needed YOU.

lucy has had to warm up to you quite a bit this year. and i think you guys are almost there.

olive has been overwhelmed with how she feels about you from day one

you always seem nervous that you are going to be stepped on and don't like to be put down on the floor much. we couldn't imagine being you.

what a blessing you are every day. happy birthday, son!

i don't want to be anything other than what i been trying to be lately

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 02:14:00 +0000

sometimes i like to pretend that i'm a part time working mom. most of the time actually. before i had children,
i NEVER wanted to be working. not even a little bit.

i was convinced that it would be nothing but blissful to have nothing to do all day, but nurture my household. but as i get older i have learned to separate the me that i thought i was going to be from the me that God designed. truth is...i admire moms that find total satisfaction in that. that is the kind of mom that my mother is. and i think part of me thought that i would just automatically morph into her. not so though. here i am. still identifying with my 8 year old weird self at times. some things don't change. and thankfully some things do.

and technically i guess i am part-time. two days a week is hard to complain about. just enough to get focused on something entirely different from my norm, and of worth for a bit and yet still doing the at home gig for everybody most of the time. but...... my responsibilities there run thick. i am responsible for much and when push comes to shove, that place needs me as if it were a newborn child at times. and i have to stop everything in my life for it. hence, our summer and partial fall. as tends to be with anything significant, there are many details i could give. but i'm just not sure where to start.

in short, we were required to be nationally accredited, an extremely expensive and intensive process that required me and mi ladies to drop everything to make happen. i will not get into how hard we rocked the plizzy. just know that the hizzy was rizzied while one of us was incubating a life and while four other little ones learned to rely on their daddies in ways that bang bang shrimp from bonefish grille cannot thank one daddy enough for.

but oh, is this all worth it, dear fam? will you remember this year, beautiful children?

but now we are home together. catching up. i'm learning that somewhere between june and september, these girls became gavin degraw groupies and there isn't any turning back.

i'm very close to "losing" this chick fil-a kids meal cd goodness, but not sure i can break their little hearts like that. could you?

finn's on the move

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 02:19:00 +0000

my baby lad is crawling now.
isn't he special?

he just puts up with so much! one sister is happy for him and celebrates by slapping and punching him and the other sister could not care enough to pull up her panties for the event. but like olive says every day to no one in particular, "we just love this boy." and well, we just do.

realizations 1-10

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 19:03:00 +0000

sometimes things weren't meant to be pretty. but they just are. and you can't help but notice.

some people are just cute when they are worried.

some things are so sweet that you wish you could just keep it that way forever.

some moments make you glad that you live with a camera around your neck.

some outfits are worth sweating for. but only when you look this good in them. (our friend, will)

sometimes you realize your babies are growing up. that things are changing. and you feel both happy and sad about that.

some conversations you feel privileged to overhear.

olive: lucy it is not very loving of you not to split that m&m with me.

lucy: oh. well, no.

olive: lucy, do you love me more than you love you? because i am your sister and that is what sisters do with all their hearts.

lucy: oh. (thinking) ollo, i split with you?

olive: yes

lucy: maybe next time i will. tomorrow i love you.

sometimes you realize how blessed you have been to never have had to miss your babies full time.

sometimes you realize how much you love your quirky, little town.

and sometimes it's best not to ask someone to smile for a picture.

sisters gotta hug

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 21:23:00 +0000

4 and 2 year old sisterhood is all about....

being "in the know" if the other has found something noteworthy like a fascinating garbage truck to stalk until it is 100% out of site.

knowing how to get the biggest, longest, loudest laughs out of eachother.

finding any reason in the ding dang world to fight. topping the charts lately is who will sit on my lap and who gets to press buttons for ANYTHING. like the microwave, the tv, the elevator...

or conversations that start things like this one recently:

olive: look mommy that's a chicken
lucy: that's NOT a chicken. that's a pee-pee.
olive: no it is not a pee-pee. it's a CHIIIIIIIIIICKEN!!

make sense? exactly.

and finn has added a whole other set of things to dispute over . like who will shut his door after he's been put down for a nap, who will then open that door when he's back up again. and he takes like 3 naps a day so this gets real old, real quick.

and who gets to feed him?

lucy won this round.

sometimes they take turns nicely. finn doesn't care a bit. as long as you keep the spoon to mouth pace up, he's happy.

scaring their mommy half to death.
since finn's arrival 8 months ago i have been scared at least once a week by baby dolls in odd places. here's the real finn. enjoying his porridge like a little bear.

and here is what i thought was finn in my peripheral vision for a split, horrifying second on the way to the bathroom the other day.

those girls! and other times fake finn is lying mangled in a corner or is strapped into the baby swing on the swingset in the pouring rain. everytime causing me mini milisecond meltdowns until i have come to my senses and remember that fake baby finn is indeed not finn, my sweet biscuit. finn is napping safely in his crib. no one forgot him in the backyard during a thunderstorm. lately fake finn is the baby above, but there has been a fake finn his whole life because my girls have dolls that come in all sizes that finn at one point or another has passed as. i'm getting used to it finally.

loving to do the same odd things. one of their very favorite things to do currently is to ask eachother to hit their baby doll and then they come to their babies rescue with lots of "oh, honeys", hugs and kisses.

lucy is most certainly wiping her baby bee here and olive definitely has two different socks on that aren't even close.

joining forces for a common goal.
dear, nonnie. we want to come to your house because we think you are pretty. - that's what i was told this letter said. right now we are going through a major 100yearoldhousedust filled, displacing kitchen renovation. we have been over to my parents house almost constantly. now that it is the weekend and the work has halted till monday we are home trying to manage in our house. every corner has a pile of dishes or pots and pans. it's hard for robbie and i. we find lots of reasons to argue when there is no sense of order. but it will be so very worth it in the end and really is a dream come true. but all that to say that the girls, today, are having major nonni withdrawal.

i think lucy thought we had moved in and is taking it the hardest.

all the kids love this swing on my parents deck.

truthfully there has been no greater joy for me as a mom than to watch my kids develop their relationships with eachother. the people watcher in me finds it fascinating. i love that lucy has adopted olive's passion for all things medical. and that lucy totally buys that anna, (i found out that her full name is annabell) exists. and i love that sometimes the only one that can translate for lucy is her "ollo". "she's crying because she wants you to blow her a kiss and a hug" oh ok as i'm trying to figure out how to blow lucy a hug.

and you know what else is just so much fun to watch? the differences in them. i feel like i can see who olive is going to be because lucy's personality makes olive's pop out and become obvious and vice a versa. this picture is a microcosm of their differences.

lucy makes a gigantic mess of either herself or of whatever space she is in EVERYDAY. and that's the biggest understatement of my blog, folks. this yogurt on her arm is small potatoes to the norm for her. she almost always has butter in her hair, something foreign in her nose, magic marker in her ears, a ring o' dirt in her neck crease and in her fingernails, ketchup smeared clothes halfway hanging off her body, and face down licking something purple and unidentifiable off the bathroom floor.

olive is exactly opposite of everything above. she hates to be dirty or wet in the least bit. in the picture above she is fussing over something imaginary on her arm. she carries wipes in her purse just in case. she has a panic attack if she cannot brush her teeth before bed. she changes her hair style 3 times a day.

oh these girls are crazy, but they are mine.

and i love me some them.

thank you for humoring me, part two

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Tue, 26 May 2009 21:09:00 +0000

ok, so i've had a lot of questions in my comments, on facebook, via telephone and email about my last post. maybe you all were just being kind. but just in case you weren't i don't want to leave you hanging in your VERY uncool quest you are joining me in. i honestly hope you find some success in this and that it helps you fund your families' real heart's desire. so i'm going to answer some questions on the methods that i use to get this beast under control.

can i just also say how relieved i am to know that i am not the only one this ridunkulous!

life is full in a wonderful way
apart from my not so part-time job, our church, our friendships, our kitchen renovation and just all those other little commitments you find yourself in there are...

easter eggs to be dyed

vegetable, herb, and flower seeds to start

ropes to be jumped

and beautiful baby boys to obsessively photograph

so i'm not going to lie and say that this does not take work or time. it truly is a part time job in itself. developing a method for the work has made it manageable to me. i like order, structure, lists, and plans by the way. it's part of the fabric of me. if you happen to be cut from the same cloth...this is how i handle some of the facets of it all.

planning the attack

i am not sure how anyone reaps the full benefits of couponing without the grocery game. this is a site that you can pay a minimal amount to save you a ton of time and track the stores you want to shop at. each week they give you a color coded list of the week's sales. somehow they even know the sales that are not even advertised in the flyer or on the shelf. i'm not sure why the store does not show all the sales they are doing, but it is true - they do not. on their list, the black items are OK prices (if you must buy them, then do), the blue items are the things that if your household uses them then you should stock up on - meaning buy as many as you have coupons of and room in your house for. blue is what they call a rock bottom price and their research on the item has shown that combined with the coupon, you will most likely not find a better price for the item for at least another 3 months. the green items are those you can get for free. these are rare for grocery stores but often for drug stores you will find green on the list. the list will also tell you what coupon to use and will have the date beside it to show you what week it came in the sunday paper. (some people actually don't cut their coupons and just file them uncut in file folders that are dated with sundays and pull out and cut as needed - which i think is not a bad idea).

* you really can generally trust this list. i have had a rare occasion where they were off completely. but they are so in the know that even when the store shelf price isn't claiming it's on sale, the receipt confirms that it was.

* an example of how a green item works... last week at ingles french's worcestire sauce was on sale for .98. i had 3 coupons for 1.00 off. so i got 3 bottles for free.

where to get coupons?

while there are a lot of ways people go about this, i will just tell you where i get them.
1) the sunday paper is a must. this site can tell you each week what to expect. if you know people that get the sunday paper that don't save their coupons, ask them if they'd mind giving them to you. this will help you start a good stockpile.
2) samples usually come with coupons. check this website often for a list of samples and other freebies. the small sizes are very convenient for traveling.
3) stores have little coupon dispensers that attach to shelves.
4) the internet is such a wonderful resource b/c you can just print what you want. sites like coupons.com lets you print things numerous times. i also try to visit my favorite frugal living blogs once a week where they post links to tons of coupons.

drug stores are the bomb diggity
i can't speak for them all. but i love to shop at rite aid and cvs and here is why. you can get the things that they carry for dirt cheap and many things free if you play there games right. these are the places that have built up my stockpile the most. i had no idea how much we go through these things. i'm not going to re-invent the wheel here so i'll post the links on how these drug store games work.
cvs -
this is a great explanation. my only notes on this link is that i use the grocery game to track this store. another great thing about cvs is that they sell sunday papers all week long until they run out. so if you forget on sunday to get your coupons you can usually find them anyday there.

rite aid -
couldn't find a great explanation on how this works, but this is pretty helpful. i also have the grocery game track this for me to let me know what is a great or free deal here. best thing about rite aid is that you can often times get make up for free.

stockpiling

i did not intend to stockpile at first. it didn't make sense to me to spend money when you didn't need something in the very immediate future. wasn't the point to save money? but i'm a little stubborn and have to learn the hard way. stockpiling allows you to never pay near full price for the things that you use and is THE reason that our expenses have cut in half. another benefit of it is that you are not running to the store because you are out of something which has cut the chaos level in my house tremendously. and it's easy to make impulse buys while you are there to pick up that one thing.

but once i decided that stockpiling was the bees knees i went a little crazy on the deals. so because i personally have trouble knowing when to stop i bought bins for things and stop stocking up on something when it's full. with food items i have no bins, i just stop stocking up after i have 5 (seemed like a good number) of the same thing so that i can make sure things won't go to waste before we can use them. but with other things like toilet paper, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, medicine, and other toiletries i have a bin for each. this works for me.

most of the time that i shop i sweat before i make it to the cashier and sheepishly hand over my wad o' coupons. i feel like i've got "cheap" tattoed to my forehead or something. and then i usually get some worn out, over it, cashier who can't be bothered with my nonsense. if they have trouble with one coupon they'll just toss those babies without even asking me. they huff and puff at me like they've got better things to do. but every now and again i will have a cashier that seems genuiniely though mildly enthusiastic about the savings that i've just gotten. but i have and may never again have an experience like i had the other day at ingles. the lady cashier and the teenage bagboy were MORE excited than i was. i kid you not.

first she asks me for my card and i hand it over.
teenage bag boy asks if i mind if we wait to scan it till the very end, explaining that he loves to see all the money deducted. it's the little things i guess.
um, sure we can and i have like 30 coupons too.
precious teenage bag boy says "sweet"- can we scan those before we do the card?
um, yes and can i adopt you?
wise, precious teenage bag boy then notes that almost everything i've bought is on sale. then after noticing that i'm stocking up on olive oil, yogurt, and some other things, that i'm also saving trips to the store.
is he after my own heart?
wise, precious, unadoptable teenage bag boy then drumrolls before my card is scanned and as the numbers start falling he literally is jumping up and down, hand over his mouth, telling the people in line to come look.
at this point i'm a little embarrassed. but i just saved $75, so only kinda.

and then when i got home to tell robbie and thus prove how much of a score he got by even marrying me, he implies that maybe these folks were making fun of me with this charade and that i may have been the laughing stock of their day. i'm pretty sure he's just jealous though of the soul connection that took place between me and the bagboy that fateful afternoon.

so this all sounds pretty daunting and involved and maybe i'm a cornball, but i find this really fun and a game for sure. i have such a hard time buying anything now if it's not on sale and i don't have a coupon for it (ie: stacking). i know i'm posting this to the uniworld here, but i still feel really secretive about it. like that it ruins my reputation (you know...the really fly one i had going). well i hope i've helped. this has been a very humbling experience revealing all of this.

what i didn't want to tell you, but must

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 04:04:00 +0000

it is with much anxiety that i write this next post. because let's just say you thought i was just a little bit tolerable. get ready to let go of that. i have a major coupon book now and in a major way. think this (scroll down to the video on her coupone binder), but alphabetized, unlabeled, and possibly bigger if you can fathom it.

let me walk you down the path that leads me to here...exposing the thing you wish you didn't know about me. there was an unfortunate event where i was caught on top of the washing machine assessing my stockpile shelf by someone that has known me for quite sometime.

my sister em with ava. ; )

one defensive explanation on top of that washing machine led to another and before i knew it i was baring my soul and presenting my coupon book and all its glory. i will not/can not do that here today. we're just gonna talk about it is'all. i'm just not ready yet. in fact i usually take it to the store with me and look both ways before i expose it in all its trapper keeper loveliness. though if you pretend that you are interested, i'm very easily persuaded to show you.

robbie pretends he's disgusted with all of this, but when he's not running to the store in a poop emergency with only diapers on the list (because we're stockpiled on diapers for at least a month!)....he LOVES it. just the very very quiet kind of way you can love something. you know the kind.

yes, things have changed quite a bit from my last post about toying with this coupon/stockpiling lifestyle. i'm in like flynn with it and there is no turning back. i've been doing this since then and it has proven to be worth my time. for the first 6 months or so i tracked my spending here. the first few months i did not really spend less, which i had heard that may happen when you start stocking up. but after a few months our grocery expenses have literally cut in half. the savings are definitely worth the little time that i have and if savings can be computed to getting paid - then it definitely pays more per hour than my job.

the other day olive asked me if next time we go to the store i could get her some blueberry yogurt. i told her that yes, i could. but then she hesitated....

"...but do you have a coupon for it and will it be on sale?"

it was then that i realized that this was going to be a little part of my legacy with them. you know how there are these things in life that make your mom, your mom?

like with my mom...it's the black licorice, the feasting when you are in her presence, the asian way she answers the phone, the mixing up of (very, VERY) common phrases, the Bible reading on the porch, the "global thinking", and the "this is the truth" talk. love you, mom.

and i have mixed emotions about how this will read to my own children one day. i want to keep my motives in check for why i do what i do. so, kids (if you do read this when you are "of age"), money is NOT everything or anything really unless you are CHANGING peoples lives with it and actually that truth is something that comes to mind when i think about my mom too. the older she gets, the more that she says that. and i am learning that the more you let it go, the more you attach to things that can really fill you up.

so i say, keep an eye on what God has blessed you with and keep checking yourself that your heart is not wrapped around it.

the girls now collect their own coupons. i passed down my original coupon book to them and they beg me for coupons that i won't use. you know you've got a problem when you can't even spare one. i save my expired ones for them. they also cut up random papers and declare them coupons. it's funny to see these glimpses of how they must view me. geesh, i'm awesome.

things i have let go of:

brand specific"ness" or pickiness, if you will. truth is. it don't matter usually. USUALLY. i still need my mitchum deoderant. i apparently sweat mud brown without it. though lately i am branching out to other deoderants that claim "clinical strength". cause that's what it's gonna take. but this can work in reverse too. i used to only buy off brand diapers. but recently had like 5 coupons for $5 off a package of huggies (i got 2 babes in diapers). waited for the sale and got 5 jumbo packs of diapers for $4 a piece. i am cringing at myself and begging me to shut up by the way right now. but this all must come out.

paying anything for toothpaste and paying more than a dollar for shampoo or conditioner: this is only if you do the CVS extra care buck thing. there is always a free deal for toothpaste every couple months. and always coupons for shampoo/conditioner making the dollar rule of thumb possible.

thinking about what i'm going to feed these kids: i don't have to think about what to feed the kids for breakfast and lunch. i buy what i find first at amazing savings (because i really do like feeding my family organic- and that is how we can afford to) and then what i find on sale and matched w/ a coupon. it is virtually decision free. tuna is what we have this week, kids. eat it or survive on your dora the explorer vitamin.

anyway, i'm nothing if not a promoter of things that are working for me. and i'm just popping in to tell you that i have very little spare time (this place helps in the time department and finds the sales that aren't even in the ads)and yet this is something that is worth that time. may i suggest before making some drastic financial decision in this tight economy to try this first? if you happen to be interested ask me and i'll talk your ear off about it sometime.

poor, poor, poor sweet tessa and her unborn daughter. she is my oldest friend that i still have (i think we're going on 17 years?) anyway she has seen me through "my new things" and then some. she made the mistake of asking me about this recently and i emailed her my thesis on it.

thank you, God, that people love me DESPITE

so here it is. that's enough about all that! so please, please come out of the woodworks here and tell me that you secretly do this stuff too. or tell me other nerdy things about you. i can't be alone in my nerdiness.

i believe....

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 19:05:00 +0000

julie here tagged me in a game. i did this on facebook, but i think i got too serious with it and did not follow the rules. i'm gonna try again and take it down a notch.

Here are the rules:
write 5 "beliefs" ...rules you live by and you are not allowed to get serious or preachy, political or religious! These are just for fun and to see if other people are as quirky as you!

1. i believe in thermal shirts under t-shirts.

2. i believe in goodwill thrift stores.

3. i believe in baby feet.

4. i believe in a nationally recognized/federally regulated naptime everyday where you don't have to nap, but you do have to shut the crud up for 2 hours.

5. i believe in little girls in tights and little boys in baby blue.

i tag erin, sonia, and the gorman-fancy's!

i've done learned that

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 02:04:00 +0000

so as i delve deeper into my motherhood reflections and contemplate all my current struggles and faulty areas, i realize that after 4 years of this and 3 kids (whoa!)

our family at the open hearts work of heART exhibit

there are some things that i do know work for us. it is true. i have not done all of this in vain. i am like a hunter always searching for things to make this life easier, flowing, and (my favorite) more joyful. i am determined to make the present a time that we can be sure we did our best to enjoy. want to hear about what i've learned so far? i just love a good list. in no particular order whatsoever.

1) music is essential here. amongst all the painting

reading

tea parties, etc it is possible for a girl (me) to get a little...well, bored. i was my own person before all this, ya know?that's where "my jams" come in. if they are on in the background and i can sing or dance along while we're in the midst of all our little one fun, then i'm happy as a bird. or i've found that when i can sense that they are bored, which leads to fighting and other mosh pit like behaviors, that putting their music on puts them in a better mood and makes olive
forget that she wants to watch hours of television at a time. she just plum doesn't think about it as much, which leads to less arguments between her and i. which leads to domestic bliss, and indirectly world peace.

2) i have learned to say "yes" more. otherwise known as the popular "pick your battles". if olive
wants me to sing christmas carols in the summer before every nap and bedtime. i just do it.
if lucy needs to
run a lap around the table halfway
or quarterly throughout dinner. why not?

when every 10th second of their lives isn't a bad decision, we can work on these smaller annoyances. if they need to try on 3 pairs of gloves, working hard at getting each little finger in- before deciding on not wearing any of them at all in the end. even if it takes 10 minutes. i TRY to be patient (multi-tasking by picking up in the room to keep my mind off of their pokiness) i have been minutes behind a bad wreck that if i had hurried us out of the door instead of letting them take their sweet time - we might have been involved in. all i'm saying is that i have had to chill out a lil' bit.

you will notice that my children will not be the tamest ones you've ever seen out in public. but there are 3 little people we must consider for every tiny little thing and there just simply isn't the energy to work on every single challenge. so we focus on what we think are the biggies or at least they get on OUR nerves enough to not let them go ignored. and you don't know how painful this is for me to write this one. i have always been the kind of person that judged parents up and down for things. but now i really do get it. part of the battles you have to pick and choose every day is the battle to stay sane as well. i cannot happily parent if i'm nitpicking. i can't believe how much crow i am eating right now, by the way.

3) i have learned to say "no" more. it wasn't until a wake up call a few weeks back watching super nanny (yes, i love her) that i realized that i am not allowing my children to grow up in certain areas. olive for instance wants help finishing the last few bites of her meal to get to her dessert faster. and by "help" i mean spoon feeding her. for the past little while doing this makes me want to gag. hearing the silverware clink her teeth and then watching her big girl mouth chew and swallow - wasn't actually making my day. but i was doing it anyway. WHY? so she could have her dessert? why do i care if she gets to her dessert? so i finally have said "no, you are too big of a girl now." so i noted to self, "if it makes me cringe, i should just say no". when you are grossed out or overly annoyed doing something, it doesn't make you supermom to keep doing it. it will chip away at your joy actually. someone told me something once that i'll never forget. something like "you won't be annoyed at your children when you know they are doing the best that they can do." we don't get annoyed changing our babies diapers. but we do get annoyed changing our 3 year old's.

4) guilt has no business in your parenting or life at all, even if you're not a parent. it isn't from God. it is an evil way to rob your joy. there is a darkness in this world that would have us hating the good that we are doing. i used to get so angry at myself when i was frustrated with the kids. i would will myself into enjoying it. but i felt like a timebomb.

when i would hear that breaking point in robbie's voice when he'd had enough with the littles, the one that i had been suppressing all day long, i would get upset in my heart at him because he had no shame in it. but he was right and i wasn't. it's ok to feel like that. the way that you feel about your children is such a complicated love. for the first couple of years you get so used to feeling nothing but love so rich it brings you to tears. and then comes frustration so deep it can scare you. i call them love struggles.

so now i have learned that i need to respond to his breaking point by stepping in and taking over until he cools down. it is how he has always responded to my breaking point. and i have learned to except that reprieve without guilt. we always come back better and put back together.

5) photography. when the house is so messy (please see last post) and the kids won't get along and work is calling and you can't find your phone and there is spit up in your hair and no one has been bathed in days or a week and a half (sorry, finn)
and the noise level is inconceivable................life is still beautiful.
but it is really hard to remember that with just my own two eyes. so sometimes i get behind the lens and it helps. for instance. look at this moment.

paint on her face and grubby hands. this is a lot like how it looks in real life. nastiness and right up in my grill. if this picture could scan back you'd see that paint is covering her dress and up on her hairline too.

but there is a beautiful way to look at every moment in life. you just have to find it. and this is where i found mine.

took awhile to find it but look at her sweet little legs. this is a perfect example too of why i don't really do "play clothes" for the kids. why save all the cute stuff? i need to see them in their best every day. it helps me to remember that this life we're living is beautiful. even the nothing days at home. they are beautiful too.

6) their naptime is my time to do exactly what i want to do. cleaning and cooking are done while they are awake. yes i know that this takes away from our playtime together. but i'm not a kid and i don't enjoy playing all day long. (this took me forever to get to this point where i could admit that). what has resulted from this change is that they have a) become more independent

b) developed their friendship

c) become inspired to help out

and d) led to some hilarious discussion while we cook and clean

olive: mommy, we prayed for our president at school this morning. his name is Guac Obama

lucy: Rock o Mama!

olive to lucy: Rock o Mama needs to rock his body

7) and lastly pray outloud and keep your Bible out. my dear friend and mentor really barbara encouraged me to keep my Bible out and read it here and there while we play. this is what has happened as a result. but it has been worth it. the girls ask me to read it now while we paint or play and i get tiny tidbits of inspriation as we go along.

prayer....sometimes i pray really inspiring things that should be dubbed and sold to millions. and sometimes i just pray that God would help me not to beat them. whatever it is, they need to hear that He is where i turn to. my help is in Him. and i'm finally, finally learning that. what have you learned?

dear lord, help us......

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 14:39:00 +0000

it's time for confessionals again.

this room represents how my head feels. this room represents how my heart feels. actually every picture makes it look cuter than it feels. this third child business is rocking my ever loving world. truthfully he is so very wonderful and is the "easy" in my house. the breath of fresh air.

WHAT is not to love? not one little thing.

i could eat...him...up
this child does not want for love

i just can NOT seem to get my act together. i am constantly in prayer these days. i seriously listen to a sermon every day just to stay encouraged. my workload has doubled lately though i'm trying desperately to keep my hours to what they were at before. but that place really needs me full time right now..... but so do my children.

we are having growing pains in a big way. i need help with some functional things here. back to the first picture. how do i keep all of the toys organized? is their some secret system that all you moms have figured out and are hiding from me. because i cannot figure out how to get everyone to just put LIKE THINGS TOGETHER. when all the little peoples, legos, baby doll stuff is together...they have so much more INDEPENDENT fun = mommy is less likely to lock herself in the bathroom. i have started spending all of our spare money on bins. and i try to sort everything quickly at the end of the day so that it is there ready for them to destroy again in the morning. seriously. how do you keep it all attractively organized? robbie and i do NOT thrive in a house like this. it stalls us. it paralyzes us. we find reasons to argue when the house looks like this. but my body actually aches during the kids naptime, begging me to just sit and do nothing that resembles cleaning. what are your secrets? spill it!

babes and birthdays

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 01:58:00 +0000

my oh my does a year fly by when you're busy fetching, cooking, wiping, changing, spanking, feeding, hugging, kissing, burping, clothing, (hiding), praying.....all for the love of some little ones.

my girly girls have (had) birthdays 3 weeks-ish
apart from each other in this season.

this ball of fun turns 4 on wednesday.

and babycakes just turned 2. oh no! my last baby girl. the clothes will be packed up and out of here soon. no more saving them for the next one.

so go ahead and let the hate mail begin. there will not be any real "party" for these two this year. we have and will do a little small something amongst ourselves. but no invitations will be sent, no real gathering will occur. i promise them here though on the internet that you both will get your party on next year. but mommy is overwhelmed right now! i'm barely preparing proper meals at night. i just need a year off from this. you won't remember, will you girls? i'd rather spend my extra time making you your 2 year and 4 year movies. which! i figured out how to get them off of movie maker and onto the internet here so now i can have them forever. olive's first video is on a format that i don't know how to make compatible.

olive's second year

lucy's first year

Click To Play

olive's third year

Click To Play

favorite quotes from olive this year
first thing said to me after coming downstairs from her nap "i squished my baby's bottom together and it was a lot of crazy"
after discussing all the details that God cares about "He even cares about our tushies!"
after asking her to help me with something "i really can't right now. i have to work on my coupon book"

deciding to leave a bikini top on "i'm just gonna keep this on so that my breasts will be comfortable."
"i'm gonna be the smartest girl in the whole wide world!"

very favorite thing you do at this age
sing patty griffin's "top of the world" at the top of your lungs, eyes closed, feeeeeeling it

favorite memories of lucy this year
after we had a scary few minutes with olive when she was choking on an orange slice, you brushed her tear wet hair out of her face with your little, chubby fingers and said "you k, ollo?"

finding you tenderly rubbing iona with lotion

the way you call your feet "totsies"

that you obey olive faster than you do me - yes i do now tell olive to tell you what to do, when i need you to do something quickly. i'm pretty awesome like that.
the monumental tantrum you threw on the beach of lake lure ending in you laying alarmingly still in the sand for about 5 minutes. all because we cut you off on popsicles after your 4th one. you may never live this down!
how you referred to finn as "beebee fun" for the first month of his life
how after you got stung by many bees one day on the swingset, even weeks later you would occasionally say "da bees" out of nowhere and start crying all over again about it. it was one of those sad, cute things.
the bothered way you say "uh uh" for "no"
the impatience you have for another song to come on in the 3 seconds it takes the ipod to move to the next one and how you always want it "yowder"
the way you squealed when we gave you your first baby doll

anna may be cooler than us all

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 21:08:00 +0000

really wish that i could introduce you to anna with a picture. but there are no pictures of anna. because anna is olive's imaginary friend and has been with us for about 8 months. we're all used to her, really. robbie and i no longer smirk at each other when she's mentioned. she's as normal as tantrums around here now.

anna is a renaissance woman of sorts. she makes a lot of olive's clothes, she is the artist of all of the art in olive's room, she made a couple of my flower vases, and she does all of this and still has time to talk to olive on the phone several times a day. we send anna mail now and flowers to thank her for all the thoughtfulness. anna is many different things, depending on the day. olive is married to anna. anna is just her friend that goes to parties with her. anna is her dog. anna is even the doctor who cuts her hair. the other day after hanging up with anna on the phone, olive asked me if i would pray for anna's sister who was very sick. i said that of course i would and asked what her name was. "anne". we're super creative.

anyway, we find it pretty cute and go right along with it. it touched me that she would go straight to Him in times of need for her friend's sister. i wish that was always where i headed immediately. i prayed that Jesus would heal anne and hopefully God hears prayers about imaginary friends's sick sisters. i'm pretty sure He does.

thanks and blessings

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:55:00 +0000

i'm in richmond, feeling very thankful. while i don't have my pictures here to give visuals of thoughts, i do have some time on my hands with the kids all occupied with family that love them and don't have the heart to tell them that they are tired of playing hide and seek for the 3rd hour in a row. God bless them for their energy. so i've had some time to relax, which leads to thinking, which leads to expression...so hence the reason i blog today.

i'm so thankful for all the blessings lately...we love the baby boy pants off our finn. he's beautiful and bright eyed and we can't help but call him pretty. another biggie is that my parents live minutes away from us now and we get to be a part of eachother's day to day and they go above and beyond with helping us with the girls and giving us reprieves. also topping the list is having a maternity leave from my two days at the facility. while i miss my friends there and the creative energy of the students, and the change of pace from motherhood, it has been immensely important this go round to my mental and emotional health of my family. aside from making sure all the littles have all their needs met, and trying to get our out the door time down to under 2.5 hours, i've been trying to figure out how to continue to do the things that i like, love, and/or need to do now that we've added one more little person to the mix that depends on me. and i may have figured it out. i can either cut some things out and accept that OR accept that if i try to do everything it will not be the most perfect expression of myself or thoughts or heart or passion towards whatever it is i'm doing. and i think that i've decided that i will be more content with the latter. i think everyone at least subconsciously makes this decision at different transition periods of their lives. i know moms do at least.

and all of this has shown me that i don't have anything together and that i'm just a big old loser. really. leading me to my biggest thanks this year. that Jesus came like He did, took the Bible and lived it out to show that all that stuff that God was saying was beautiful when put to action. it looked so easy, but when i try to live my life like that i realize how hard it is not to be self centered and i see how perfect He really is and how i am just...well not. but He loves me just as i am anyways. just how i love the my own children. and i GET IT thank you very much.

and i'm also thankful for music which is sometimes the only thing that can express what you feel inside.
so i leave us with sufjan who says it like i feel it.
"if i was crying
in the van
with my friend
it was for freedom
from my self and
from the land
i've made a lot of mistakes
i've made a lot of mistakes
i've made a lot of mistakes
i've made a lot of mistakes
i've made a lot of mistakes"

finn and the full moon

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 01:07:00 +0000

9 days before my due date, i was laying on the couch and felt my water start to break. this was not the way things went down with the girls. so it shocked me and i wasn't quite sure what was happening right away. even my doctor wasn't convinced when i called her. but after dropping the girls off at my parents house (WHO LIVE HERE NOW!!!-more on this when there is not big news to tell) we headed to the hospital after i picked up a cranberry slush at sonic. it was indeed my water breaking. come to find out the hospital was packed with huge pregnant women who's waters were breaking. something that tends to happen a lot when there is a full moon and its been raining and the barometric pressure is low. who knew? i was told several times that night that water breaks only 15% of the time before labor begins. so there we wait in this little cubicle to see if my contractions will start. a couple hours later, they had not. i guess finn just wasn't ready to come on his own. but once your water breaks...you must have your baby within 24 hours. so they began me on pitocin, another first for me. about 5 hours later i asked for an epidural. for some reason it didn't really take. so they dosed me again. immediately i started convulsing, i felt like my tongue was swelling, like my jaw was locked, like i was going to vomit, and i could not breathe all at the same time. i felt people start to panic around me. i started to panic. they gave me oxygen, benadryl, phenegran, ice chips. they checked my breathing, my tongue. i was actually ok. i just didn't feel ok and didn't seem to be. then they checked me to see how much progress i had made. in an hour i had gone from 5 to 10 centimeters. thanks, pitocin! 45 minutes later finn had arrived and the bad reaction seemed to disappear. they handed finn to me. i held him for about a minute. gave him to robbie and then slept for about 2 hours. i don't know how much benadryl and phenegran i was given, but i could not even pretend to keep my eyes open. i wish i had the guts to show you the pictures of me in this state. i don't even remember the pictures being taken. not cute.

but he's here!
7lbs, 3 oz
October 11, 2008
2o inches
6:00am.

isn't he sweet?

you arrive in the world and immediately people start messing with you. finn was not happy with this nurse.

first diaper change with his daddy.

our stay at the hospital was so relaxing. i think i caught up on all the lost sleep over the last 9 months. they told us that we could leave the day after he was born. um, no thanks. there are wild children at home. we opted to stay one more day in the little room where we only had one child's needs to tend to, TLC marathons were literally at my fingertips, and food and drinks were brought to me to partake in bed. if we ignored the fact that there was no pool, we felt like we were at an all inclusive resort.

the only thing we had to do was cuddle this little one

but we were excited to introduce finn to his sisters. neena and poppy traveled from richmond, va to care for the girls while we were at club med. they all came for a visit the day after he was born.

olive came in like a major big sister and said "i want to hold my baby". she has been very gentle and loving. she talks to him in a very sweet, soothing voice. a few days after we brought him home she said "he's just really so cute. oh, i just love him so much."

i have 3 children, people.

thats been a little strange to adjust to. almost immediately after we got home i felt my attention once again divided. there are many chaotic moments in the day when they all want something, where i wonder "ok, who needs me the most right now?" and emotions have been running high. lucy somehow turned into a full time thumb sucker while we were away. she seems to be taking this the hardest. i'm constantly checking everybody's emotions. thinking, "who's on the verge of a breakdown right now?" hoping to catch it before they begin to melt.

well, there are a hundred more things i could say right now. a hundred more pictures i could post. but its late, its been awhile since i've blogged, can't be certain when i'll have the time again to add more. i better just click the button. love to all and thanks to everyone who has sent food, well wishes, and prayers our way.

the dorable girl

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 17:54:00 +0000

olive has been pretty cute lately, i must admit. aside from all the disobedience that comes from this age and all the suffocating of personal space that comes from just being olive, there have been times recently that i've been struck with her specialness and i feel the need to dwell on it a bit.

she's really been taking the big sister role a little more seriously now lately. the other night she had her friend, gracie, from church over to play and when lucy started climbing up the ladder to the swing set fort right before i could get it out myself i heard her say, "gracie, will you make sure lucy doesn't fall?" it was small but a big moment for me. their slim age difference usually makes for more of a peer interaction than that of one where olive feels protective or responsible for lucy. and while i know i can't expect much more than that, it's so refreshing when it does happen.

before their morning school started, i began to pump them up for it. i explained that they would be in different classes since they were not the same age. olive said "no, lucy needs to be with me. i need to make sure she doesn't fall on top of anybody". now i'm not sure who she was more concerned about..lucy or the victim of these falls. but she was caring about somebody and i'm celebrating it!

here she is with jamie and tim's aubrey one night after we all had dinner together. i can hardly wait to see what she thinks of her new brother. she can't wait for him to see her hair in a ponytail. i'm not positive he's going to appreciate the effort...maybe ever.
she loves babies so much (finding them "so dorable" as she puts it) and is so helpful and good with them. well usually helpful. last week when we were changing lucy's diaper upstairs, i asked her if she could go run and get the baby wipes for me downstairs and she said "i really can't right now. i have a baby growing inside of me." and when i replied that i did too, she said "well i actually have two babies growing inside of me." we're not ready for the talk yet. i went and got them myself.

i knew it was on its way and boy has it arrived....potty humor. to be specific this is where it began.

lake lure. july. with cousin elijah. they are 2 months apart in age. pretty sure she started it. you have no idea (or maybe you do) how much fun it is apparently to yell "POO POO" when someone else finds it funny. eventually a booty shake was added to the chant and the giggles g0t uncontrollable.
when we got home, she seemed confused to learn that no one else was quite as amused with the performance. until lucy one day replied "PEE PEE" to olive's "POO POO" and its all been over since then. this...cracks...them...up. and while i don't exactly get it, i do love to see them crack each other up.

but that's all. just wanted to share a little about olive. there will be more to come. she's hilarious. like this morning at 7am i here boots stomping towards me. before i can even see her i hear her "i've dressed myself". there she stands in a silk snowman pajama top, panda bear pajama bottoms, lucy's winter hat barely on her large noggin, her scarf wrapped around her neck, her winter coat on, and yes...snow boots. my camera battery was dead. oh well.

8 month pregnant slacking

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 18:32:00 +0000

things i haven't done lately. let's just go ahead and make a numbered list.

1. documented our lives in any fashion (blogging, baby book updating, journaling)
2. brushed my hair (i actually can't remember the last time i did this)
3. returned most phone calls (sorry, but i do love you anyway and please keep loving me)
4. gone more than an hour without dropping something
5. consistently picked up things that i drop (i do however try to kick them all into a pile at the end of the day for robbie - love you too, babe)
6. slept through the entire night
7. made it through a whole day without crying
8. gone half a day without complaining
9. remained reasonable
10. maintained control over my children
11. rolled over in bed without grunting and panting or needing a push in the desired direction
12. shopped with the girls without bribing them with candy or gum (i rock)

13. worked a normal work week at open hearts.
(thank you ladies for picking up my slack. i promise you it won't always be this way!)

14. gone a few days without changing in utero here's name...today it is finn. and robbie and i did stack hands over it and say "100%"...our way of saying, "let's stop talking about this and make up our freaking minds" sorry mom and nat if you hate this one too, but it really does feel like that's his name. middle name is charles FOR CERTAIN after you grandpa, a most inspiring man that we hope *finn* will aspire to be like.
15. keep scissors out of my 3 year old's room during nap time. (i aim to inspire mothers everywhere) wish i had a picture of the bangs that she cut herself. they are actually really cute on her. i haven't even had to touch them up.

and i will leave you with pictures of some beautiful girls that i have once again been too slack to photograph. 'up, add it to the list up there. thank you, sonia, for loving my girls enough to capture their funny little spirits.

line drying and other changes

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 20:47:00 +0000

so i'd like to get honest here and tell you just how cool i really am. instead of blogging in my free time about all of our family happenings and scrap booking our life like i intended to be wisely doing. i have been spending that time on a new obsession. this is my cycle by the way. i always have something that i am over thinking, overdoing, over loving. this is usually something that is entirely wasteful of my time and brain space like britney spears' mental condition (thank God she seems to be doing well now - i was so worried) or for a month too long for comfort i would spend from the time the girls went to bed till i went to bed, happily and therapeutically crying while watching ryan adams on you tube and drinking red wine all the while. but really, how can you not?

maybe this is all just a little too honest.

but this new interest (a much nicer, healthier word than obsession) may prove to be good for my family. time will tell. my new thing is living a more frugal life. i'm not sure if every household feels like this, but the past year we have really begun to see that we can't afford the lifestyle that we had acquired. i admit that a big part of this was our own doing and just being plain careless and self-satisfying and bored really. we had slowly started eating at restaurants with more frequency when neither of us had a dinner planned or simply because we just felt like it. nothing wrong with that every now and again, but it was becoming often. or if i was running errands with the girls, instead of planning ahead and bringing snacks or packing a lunch i would run through the drive through. oh and our beloved grocery store, amazing savings, is not so much when you're stocking your freezer up on every single amazing (for organic) deal. and in our recent efforts to see what we are spending more money than we can afford on, these are just a couple of things that we have run across. but some things have felt a little out of our control...like gas prices and food prices rising. we all know about it, i don't need to go on and on. something had to give or we were going to see ourselves in major debt.

so we have begun the process to make a change. we have dreams for this house that we'd like to afford. a remodeled, modernized kitchen for one that i would love to be able to enjoy the conveniences of while i have little ones and things can get so chaotic so easily. do you know how often all of my sippy cups come crashing down on me from their tiny space that i cram them into?

i read a lot of blogs (oh my gosh, i just counted them on my favorites - around 50- ok that's embarrassing - but you know how one leads you to another), devoted to this exact subject. every day they will give you tips, finds, inspiration on how you can cut back somewhere or save money some place. and i think it's really working or helping at least. they are mostly just blogs of stay at home moms. these women have the art of saving money down. it's a game and they win every single day. i'm not lying when i tell you that these women have found a way to get tons of groceries for free and close to free (oop stands for out of pocket - these ladies even have their own language). and while i'm not so crafty with the deals yet, maybe someday i can be and could honestly learn to feed my family for $200 a month. and i can't quite subscribe yet to the idea of a budget or a price book or stockpiling up on 20 tubes of toothpaste while they are dirt cheap. but i can't say it hasn't gotten a little nerdy around here. i did spend an entire saturday night constructing a coupon book made out of a photo album and about 30 tabs indexing the different aisles in my grocery store. yeah, i'm kind of getting into this.

one of the many things we are doing differently is coordinating and consolidating our trips past black mountain. no more heading to asheville for just one stop. we have to at least need to go to two different places and turn the whole thing into an event for the morning.
but i really don't want this to turn into something that i focus too much on. we all know someone that never seems to stop talking about the prices of things, managing to bitterly work it into every conversation. so do stop me if this becomes me. i just want to be more intentional about where our money goes, so that we can have money for things that we can really get excited about. so what about you? have you guys had to make changes or were you already working it with your bad selves?

i will leave you with some pictures of our frugal, little lucy bea. she really gets into saving money. she practically forced us to start line drying our clothes.

a nest undone

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 00:55:00 +0000

i am 28 weeks pregnant with this baby boy and there are still so many undone things. i am feeling less of the need to physically nest as i did the first time or two ago and more of an understanding that the nesting that needs to take place is more in our heads. a mental, emotional nesting, if you will. mental nest #1... what were we thinking having 3 this close together!? did we lose our minds? we must have just been at an easier spot when making this decision.

yup, that must have been it. look at how angelic they are pretending to be.

seriously, how do you keep them all well-fed, accounted for, and safe? yesterday in the church parking lot as lucy was crawling up into the mini-van, she lost her footing majorly and dove head first into one of the weird-o exposed mechanisms on the sliding door. the sight of blood gushing from your baby's head is a very unnatural one if you haven't discovered yet.

the doctor was able to glue it closed since it had cut her perfectly horizontally. you can kind of see it on the left side of her forehead, just up from the watercolor paint on her upper lip. this happens to her accidentally, olive usually paints a body part on purpose every paint session. anyway, scary stuff for parents that have been second guessing the soundness of their own minds lately. but he is on the way and according to God's plan so it will work out. and things will get done and settled eventually.

i know now that he doesn't need his room all set up and just so like i thought the girls did. he just needs clean clothes, a blanket or two, a safe place to sleep, a source of food, diapers, and a family that wants him. third babies don't even need all of that stuff in designated places and in cute little baskets that 3 and 1 years olds will dump out and use for their baby dolls crib or something. sometimes its best just to let things find their home as you go.

olive at 3 months in her perfectly organized pink and green room. you should see her room today. less pregnant, nesting, new mom cute and more 3T sized panties on every baby doll kind of cute.

no, he'll most likely sleep in this little basket by our bed for the first couple months like the girls did. and hopefully i'll run across a crib bumper that i like before he's in his crib full-time.

look at sweet little lucy bea, 3 days old. she was so happy in this moses basket. but we kicked her out at 9 weeks so we could all get some sleep. she was such a little lu-bird back then.

yes, he should be just fine there. it's the decisions that need to be made that are stumping us. what will his name be for one? i know that will dawn on us eventually here soon enough. this doesn't bother me that he is unnamed the way that it does robbie. he explains that its part of his nesting process and a way for him to connect to him. to have a name that he can call him until he's here. so that when we pray for him, we can call him by his name. i can see that. he doesn't feel all the movements that i do, reminding me that he's here and coming and forcing me to be aware of his presence several times a day. so i guess we need to get that figured out for robbie's sake. i actually saw the name "lowlife" in our baby name book. can you imagine?

but even more importantly than that is another hot topic in our household. to vaccinate him according to the mainstream schedule or not. so many, many things mulling around in our heads. it seems that a peaceful decision is not out there for us. whatever is decided is truly going to be us being led in one direction by hopefully the hand of God. because at this point, we are frustratingly unsettled on the matter.

we vaccinated these girls. i'm slightly embarrassed to say that we really didn't give it much thought, discussion, or prayer. just did it. it was and is the beaten path and it works out just miraculously for most. there is just a handful of those that it doesn't for and so it would seem that the scientific thing to do would be to assume that we are in the majority. but there is a factor that makes our case different than most. especially since we are having a boy.

this is our nephew, micah, when he was almost 3 and just before he was diagnosed with autism. i love his face in this picture. at this age he could run miles without stopping. it was unbelievable.

here at 4 with his dad. he's a very happy little man.

he's six now. he's the one on the far right. this was just a few weeks ago at lake lure. those are his brothers joshua and elijah. and on a side note, i am so thrilled to have this picture of the three of them together actually looking at the camera. i've never accomplished this before, but i also never tried ice cream either. anyhoo, we love this guy dearly. he smiles and sings and loves to be by himself and loves to line up rocks and shells and study things intently. he's fascinating to watch and i pray as the years go by, he allows us more and more into his world so we can know him even more.

we all know that they don't know why this happens. they argue about it. but i work with adults with disabilities and happen to believe the school of people that insist they know for certain that there child was different after a vaccination. and researches are pretty unanimous that a genetic predisposition triggered by an environmental factor plays at least somewhat of a role. i feel like this time period that we are in is right on the cusp of a wealth of understanding on the subject and that maybe we need to hold off a few years to see what is learned. i'm just so not sure though. neither of us are. are you? what did you do for your children? how did you come to the decision that you came to? or what would you do if you had children? we'd love your feedback on the subject.

boy, son, man...i'm a little scared

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 01:00:00 +0000

so we found out that we're going to have a boy, son, man (someday). it's happy news to this house. i've always been a little tentative about being the mom of a son. i wasn't quite sure what that looked like for a long time. but now i have many wonderful examples of that in my life.

cajes helping his mommy, sonia - my close friend and co-director, cook. he has the most endearing little face. doesn't he?

carrie, here with her middle son andrew and husband steve, now has 3 boys! all 2-3 years apart! and she is the most gentle mom you'll ever meet. i could never imagine her losing her cool. i actually don't believe that she does. if she yelled it would still sound sweet.

tahra, who does NOT own a computer (i don't get it and she can't be convinced) and will never know she's on the www, with her son levi, now has 3 children - 2 are boys.

my big sister, natalie, with our micah. her middle son of 3 boys. yes, another one of those moms! i always look up to moms with 3 sons. they are so tough. all that testosterone under one roof. i can't even fathom it. how do you pretend to be interested in figurines that transform from one ungirly thing to another ungirly thing everyday of your life?

liz and will...loved, dear, and close to this family's hearts. whenever he comes over, he kicks the energy level up a few notches. we went camping last weekend with them and while my girls stayed on the trails. he was blazing through bush wack. am i ready for that? i'm really scared of snakes. what if he brings one home to me someday or something?

just to name a few mother/sons that i know and can glean from. but the point is...all these mothers have survived so far. and every one of them have told me how much fun boys are. at this point, there is so much emotion and drama in my house that i welcome a change.

"i just don't feel like talking about things right now." she tells me as if she's 16 and has problems.
thank God she's cute.

there still are some things that i'm not sure i'm tough enough for. like what about the way that boys don't need their moms when they are men? first of all, is that true? i know independence is a goal in parenting and part of the circle of life, and could happen with daughters too. it's just a selfish thought i've had. what will our relationship be like later? time will tell i suppose.

but i think a boy will fit in just fine with these sweet girls. i just hope he treats their baby dolls with respect. because these girls transform from gentle mothers to fierce, rabid, psycho killers over some babies.

good luck, little guy. and God bless our family, please. we're so happy that we will be complete...God willingly complete.

little mama

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 18:03:00 +0000

despite my warnings against it, lucy bea is growing up at speedy rates.
things are on the brink of change and i feel the need to document this place in time with her. because she will be 18 months in a week and things happen at that point. don't they? the tantrums, although still amusing coming from such a little thing, just ever so slowly start to become less cute. you begin to start plans to change some of their natural inclinations.

after having gone through this once before i can see that at least between the ages of 0-3.5. this short period of time, is my very favorite. this time right between baby and 2 years old.

i just love how they point at everything, trying to give meaning and identity to what they are seeing and learning.

and you can only really make out half of what they are babbling about if you're lucky, so you can only assume that they are trying to emphatically express the sweetest and most loving of ideas.

now robbie and i did not rock our babies to sleep. we followed a book called babywise that recommended against it and were happy with all the benefits of that route. and while i was happy that i didn't have to rock or nurse our girls to sleep, i would have liked to every very now and again. i would sometimes sneak into their rooms when they were still little and heavy sleepers and watch them for a few minutes.

lucy at 2 months.

the other night before robbie and i shut the house down, he insisted that lucy needed a short sleeve shirt on instead of the long one that i had put on her. so i attempted to change her with as little disruption as possible after she had been sleeping a few hours already. she was determined to keep sleeping and was a wet noodle. and pregnant bellies make for difficult interactions with cribs. i ended up having to pull her out to set her on my lap to get the job done. but i found that after i had her there laying against me asleep, i didn't want to stop holding her. and we stayed like that for 20 minutes probably.

my goodness, there really is such a thick peace to a baby sleeping against you. that really isn't a joke. it kind of took my breath away to be honest. so i took that rare, still, quiet opportunity to just stare at her face and study her features. she is unbelievably precious. and that is when i noticed her body. it is literally at that very moment of baby turning into child. and at that moment i just wanted the clocks to just stop for a little while so i can really acknowledge it all in the busyness of our life.
so little lucy, i just want to capture you as you are right now at 17 and 3/4 months, before i start to have times when i'm mad and frustrated at you, before we go through that time period where we have more bad days than good, before i start to wish you a little older, and while you are still the baby in the family. to us you are a joy, our "cakie pants" and "lu bird". at this age you are a graceful twirler, you blow the most desired kisses in the house, you are the most successful olive mood picker upper, and all the baby dolls in the house long to be your pick for the day, because you are the best little mama around to them. you are such a little sunshine to this house and we would burst open if we loved you anymore.

genius peanuts

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Fri, 30 May 2008 20:49:00 +0000

so those of you that have been around 2 year olds know that this is when they start to say the funniest things and come up with the strangest notions that you've ever heard uttered. and it doesn't stop at 2. it probably never stops because i'm sure i said some gems even as a teenager that were gold. i mean, that really is when you're at your dumbest. can we all agree?
i'm sure that there have been a hundred things that olive has said that i have lost in my memory. i better start getting these things down so that i can remember. sonia keeps a journal of all the hilarious and precious things that cajes has said - and he keeps them coming. i think that's a great, wise idea and will now use this blog as that journal. on tuesday i had a horrible day with olive. she whined (moms, how do you you stop this?) so much about everything so much that i wanted to throw myself off of the roof. she overheard me talking to robbie about it and later asked "i was not good today?" i responded "no, not good at all. your behavior was....(pausing to find the right words)" and she guessed "genius?" oh, how can you stay mad?
our dear friend, will, is 2. he is olive's BFF. well usually. lately they have had some beef though and they may be more like 2nd BFF's lately. but will calls his privates "peanuts". no one told him to name them this. he was told the truth when he asked about it. but "peanuts" is what he heard and peanuts is what they are to him. olive spent the day with liz and will yesterday while i went to work. on an olive potty break, will tagged along to catch the action. when olive pulled down her skirt and panties will said "OH, olive, your peanuts look great!"
now this is not my child's funny to post. but i had to share this story. i have giggled about it off and on since she told me. thank you, liz, for the permission to share.
so i'd love to hear some things that you have heard out of the mouths of babes.

happy 60th birthday, mom

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:25:00 +0000

my mom is the woman. everybody thinks that their mom is, but really it's mine. sorry, you've been wrong your whole lives. but now you know.

nonnie and lucy with the cake

she has always shown us that loving Jesus is in your actions. its about living Him, denying yourself, and putting others before yourself. as a child i saw her give up excessive amounts of her time and money to people in need - children needing tutoring, families needing groceries, babysitting for single mothers, cleaning peoples houses when they couldn't help themselves, taking people dinners in hard times... i saw her on the phone with people for hours just listening to them tell her their stories. everyone wants to be heard in their dark hours. i saw her devoting time to things that no one would ever know to thank her for - working for years in the back kitchen for an inner city food ministry, giving countless rides to people so they could get to work or church. doing things that really mattered.

and the things that have been done just for her family are greater and more unfathomable. this is a lady that when i, her private Christian schooled daughter, told her that instead of going to college would travel with the Rainbow Family and/or follow my favorite bands around, taught me how to make hippy shirts so that i could sell them and have a way to eat. thankfully i decided against that route, but at least i would have been prepared. i could go on and on. like how she befriended my friends even when we were all unlovable and heading down wrong paths together. she didn't blame anybody for being a bad influence. she just prayed, spoke truth into our lives, trusted, and loved us anyway. i hope i can be like that. but i'm not sure. she has such a peace. well, usually. she also is known for sleepless nights over the menu for christmas dinner 2008.

my mom travels from charlotte every week to watch my children for me so that i can work. she has done this since olive was born.

she will not accept gas money, nor childcare money. and often times, against my wishes (because it strickens me with guilt), makes us dinner and cleans my house. i'm thankful for this beyond words for obvious reasons. but the main one is that i'm glad that my children have her example in their lives. some of this stuff is bound to rub off on them, right?
ok, enough. my mom is cringing somewhere i'm sure. she's not a compliment taker. but i had to put this out there. she would never let me get through acknowledging her verbally in her company.
this past weekend our family (my parents, sisters, brother in laws, and nephews and neice) all came here and celebrated her by just hanging out and being together. here are some pictures of the fun times. my parents also announced that they will be putting their home for sale in charlotte, and finally making the long awaited move to this area. pumped about this.

nonnie, pa, and ava ~~~~~~~~~the gorman-fancys~~~~~~~~~the herreras

praying for our wants, praying for our needs

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Wed, 21 May 2008 20:29:00 +0000

the whole month of may i have been on stomach bug patrol. let me explain. this family seems to almost always catch a stomach bug, and often in 3's. often in may.

somewhere in charlotte, my mom, the most inspiring woman on the planet (more on that at a later time), can be heard saying in a northern yet southern accent "jess, do not speak that over yourself." these are words of wisdom that i grew up hearing and still to this day say in my head and sometimes aloud if feeling bold. i'm not even quite sure that i know what i'm saying or what i mean or what she meant. but it feels like the right thing to do.

many of you may remember this from last fall.

oh the drama this was. this is my then 2 year old at the hospital from a stomach bug that in the
end lasted 20 FREAKING days. had never even heard of a bug lasting that long. and her little, baby sister's lasted that long as well. you don't even want to know about the clean up that goes into a bug of 2 children that can't make it to a toilet for that length of time. and we're not just talking vomit, friends. i'll never forget robbie in the middle of the night, pacing the house, basically in chant form saying "Lord, please have mercy on us". it was our most stressful time as parents since bringing olive home from the hospital.
we were worried, folks! even though the doctors insisted that this could happen to healthy children, it didn't seem right.

but God did bring us out of it and the lessons learned were such that i would go through it all again to understand them as deeply as i did during that time.

all that to say that i have a healthy fear of this bug now and really don't want it anywhere near my family. robbie and i have never agreed more on a matter. so we have done what we can do as parents of a 3 and 1 year old that suck their thumbs pretty consistently. we carry wet ones and antibacterial gel around with us like they are weapons and have become wiping and squirting fools. i'm certain that i've embarrassed myself with it. i wouldn't be surprised if i had an unknown nickname or persona out there like "freak-o mom" or something more creative. and knowing that i'm susceptible too, i've been really careful with myself. the only thing that we haven't done is avoided life. mainly because i think that's a step over the line into panic and unhealthy fear. so we've had people over, we've gone to birthday parties and cookouts with communal food, we've gone to work, to church, to restaurants, heck even hugged people. i have kissed each family member on the mouth in the month of may. i admit this. so i suppose i haven't done everything i could do to avoid this.

monday night at the dinner table in addition to praying for the food, thanked God for keeping us healthy thus far and asked Him to continue to do so. 2 hours later i had made the bathroom my home for the next 8 hours. stomach bug, people.

i'm really not mad at God. i have nothing close to that to say. i completely believe that He allows us to go through things for a greater, higher purpose that we don't understand at the time. i could bet my life on the fact that he shapes us up and gives our lives purpose and meaning through the hard times. i'm realy ok with that. i promise. i actually love it and understand it as a parent. i'm ok that my prayers are not answered. i still feel the need to thank Him, to worship Him. He still awes me and brings me to tears of joy over the way that He HAS provided, for the protections that He HAS given.

but here is my question. why does He ask us to pray for what we want? why does He ask us to be direct in Matthew (version the Message) He says "be direct. ask for what you need." why does He want to know what i want and need, when ultimately He's got the plan, the big old picture, His will. i'd rather have what He thinks is best. is that what i should be direct about?

so please do weigh in. i know there are some differing opinions out there.

robbie's grandparents have devoted their older adult lives to the power of prayer over sickness. they are the experts on God's healing. or at least experts to us. they have seen miraculous healings in their lives. experienced miraculous healings.

they have told us again and again that God does not want nor allow us to be sick for any circumstance. so i'd love to hear your opinions in particular. what about the molding and discipline that God puts into us though? like parents to their children.

sweet little details

noreply@blogger.com (Jessie) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:20:00 +0000

i got inspired by reading a strangers blog that maybe this was something i could get into. it's a great way to document life as it flies by. and i am a documenter by nature. i keep a "family journal" that i write in weekly, usually just a paragraphed highlight of the week. i keep a scrapbook of things that have been given to me. cards, letters, ticket stubs, hospital bracelets. some things i keep because i love it. some things i keep because i want it to jog my memory one day when i look at it. my memory is horrible, by the way. anything to help it is a good thing. there are embarrassing things that i can't remember. it makes me really nervous, especially after i had children, that i was going to forget these moments slipping through time. that i would be an old lady one day and retrieving no sweet little details of their lives. very scary to me for their sake too. i want them to have stories. so in addition to their baby books (that i update weekly at least) i also have a scrapbook for each of them. same idea. nothing creative or fancy. i just tape in cards given to them, valentines from preschool, a note that robbie wrote for olive the first day he had to go back to work after lucy was born, encouraging her to be good, help mommy, and simply that he loved her very much. i remember, because i have this crumpled up evidence, that she carried that note around all day and asked me to read it to her several times. the sweet little details. i also take tons of pictures and video. partly as a creative outlet. partly because i am afraid to forget how precious they are just on an ordinary tuesday morning eating their breakfast. it is a problem that i have. but thank God for digital cameras. so this blog could be the ultimate documentation. if ever our house burned down and i couldn't grab the computer, the baby books, the photo albums, the scrapbooks, and the journal...this would always be there in computer space to retrieve. so you see, it's just plain smart to start a blog. it would be dumb of me not to - not vein and self indulgent like i once thought. highly intelligent, witty, and quite genius actually. well done, me.