Wednesday, November 26, 2008

thanks and blessings

i'm in richmond, feeling very thankful. while i don't have my pictures here to give visuals of thoughts, i do have some time on my hands with the kids all occupied with family that love them and don't have the heart to tell them that they are tired of playing hide and seek for the 3rd hour in a row. God bless them for their energy. so i've had some time to relax, which leads to thinking, which leads to hence the reason i blog today.

i'm so thankful for all the blessings lately...we love the baby boy pants off our finn. he's beautiful and bright eyed and we can't help but call him pretty. another biggie is that my parents live minutes away from us now and we get to be a part of eachother's day to day and they go above and beyond with helping us with the girls and giving us reprieves. also topping the list is having a maternity leave from my two days at the facility. while i miss my friends there and the creative energy of the students, and the change of pace from motherhood, it has been immensely important this go round to my mental and emotional health of my family. aside from making sure all the littles have all their needs met, and trying to get our out the door time down to under 2.5 hours, i've been trying to figure out how to continue to do the things that i like, love, and/or need to do now that we've added one more little person to the mix that depends on me. and i may have figured it out. i can either cut some things out and accept that OR accept that if i try to do everything it will not be the most perfect expression of myself or thoughts or heart or passion towards whatever it is i'm doing. and i think that i've decided that i will be more content with the latter. i think everyone at least subconsciously makes this decision at different transition periods of their lives. i know moms do at least.

and all of this has shown me that i don't have anything together and that i'm just a big old loser. really. leading me to my biggest thanks this year. that Jesus came like He did, took the Bible and lived it out to show that all that stuff that God was saying was beautiful when put to action. it looked so easy, but when i try to live my life like that i realize how hard it is not to be self centered and i see how perfect He really is and how i am just...well not. but He loves me just as i am anyways. just how i love the my own children. and i GET IT thank you very much.

and i'm also thankful for music which is sometimes the only thing that can express what you feel inside.
so i leave us with sufjan who says it like i feel it.
"if i was crying
in the van
with my friend
it was for freedom
from my self and
from the land
i've made a lot of mistakes
i've made a lot of mistakes
i've made a lot of mistakes
i've made a lot of mistakes
i've made a lot of mistakes"